Yahoo Study Group: Holocaust Reincarnation
A Yahoo study group since 2003. As of March 23, 2010 there are 219 members -- the Holocaust industry keeps getting more bizarre!!!--Michael Santomauro
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"All beginnings require that you unlock a new door."- Rabbi Nachman of BreslovGroup Information
thought I'd introduce myself before reading more posts but what caught my attention was someone posting that they had been accepted on the day they skyped with someone in Poland (if I remember correctly) and I was thinking of how true this was for me.
I've always known that I was a child in a concentration camp but never which. I also managed to find my brother from the camp some years ago. I just knew it was him and he picked up on it too. We even told people we were brother and sister, though he discouraged me from regressing to that life. Now, I know why.
About a year ago I saw someone who scared me so deeply like no one else ever has. I'm pretty open when it comes to making friends so they tend to come from all walks of life and normally that type of guy, your basic alpha male, never scared me, actually one of my closest and dearest friends is your quintessential alpha male and I'd trust him with my life. But with this guy, all of a sudden I was having anxiety attacks, panic attacks and what I call anaphylactic emotional shock all rolled into one, plus a headache that started at the top of my head and I never get migraines. I knew, when I saw him for the second time that he'd been an SS guard. I would stand there and physically retreat from him or, if that was impossible, cower against the wall. This guy never did anything to deliberately scare me, in fact he was always nice to me. But I was so scared of him just the same. Something told me to text a friend of mine and he let me hang out with him after I'd seen the Scary Guy again. Somehow my friend managed to calm me down.
The next time I saw the Scary Guy, my friend was there and when I went outside for a smoke and the Scary Guy came out to talk to me, my friend came out as well. It was an interesting conversation, since right after we'd introduced ourselves and shook hands, I flew in his face, literally because of something he'd said, which was innocent. With my eyes I was asking him if he'd murdered my family and suddenly I felt him slam down a wall between us. He just stood very still. I realized then that the reason my friend had followed me outside was to offer me protection from the Scary Guy simply by being there.
A month after that, I saw the Scary Guy again and this time it was so bad, I was literally shaking and unable to move. My friend was there again and the next thing I know was that he put himself between myself and the Scary Guy, with his back to me, offering me protection. Here's the interesting thing, the Scary Guy greeted me in a really friendly manner and then, later, asked me if I was having a meltdown, still, being very nice. I was too scared to react much but still managed to talk to him some. I honestly don't know how I managed to get home that night, I was trembling and shaking so hard. Every time I pictured his face, I would start shaking all over again. I remember falling asleep and waking up after about fifteen minutes because I'd seen the guy's face in my dream and screaming his name. The following day someone - I really believe that my friend had something to do with it - blocked the Scary Guy's face from my memory but I was still shaking. On Thursday, still unable to sleep, I went to see my best friend and on my way there, I could see shadows of people wherever I turned. She calmed me down enough so that I could finally sleep and she knows him as well and assured me that he was nothing to fear.
In the end I decided to tell him that I was scared of him, even though most people told me not to. I sent him an email and I swear I knew when he was reading it because I'd just managed to compose myself and then started shaking all over again. Two months later I ran into him again. The thing about this guy, when he was in company, he always opened up the circle so I could join, he was never mean. I told him that he really scared me and he said that he knew, in a very kind and compassionate way and even really went out of his way to put me at ease, making me laugh etc.
To cut a long story short, turns out the guy hit me over the hit with a whip or iron bar in the camp and my friend in this life, attacked him for it. I'm almost positive that my friend was shot for it. But that explains so much about how I feel about him and how I always knew he would protect me even though he isn't the type in this life.
The story goes on but I wanted to post this because I believe that in some cases we are able to heal when we meet the people again. And here's something I find very interesting. when I was younger, my family and I lived in Germany for a while. And please don't flame me for this but I really cannot stand Germany. Even growing up in the 80s, there was so much anti-Semitism, even a History teacher telling the class openly that "the number of Jews killed in the camps wasn't as high as they claim it to be." Being the only Jewish kid in the class, you can imagine how that felt, even the neo-Nazi kid was given immunity by the leftwing teachers. So I can't forgive the many faceless Germans and the ones I met but this guy, the Scary Guy, who personally assaulted me, who split up my family, him I am able to forgive just because I could see how deeply sorry he was about what had happened. Deep down, he knows even though he doesn't believe in reincarnation.
I've been trying to find a scenario like the above off and on. I say off and on because sometimes it just gets too much and I need a break. My dad was a Holocaust survivor and I really believe that was part of the reason I chose this particular family. Who knows maybe I even met him in a camp.
Hope this wasn't too long and apologies if it was. Thanks for reading.
Ilana
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